You Can't Please Everybody

By Chris Beerman

I think the old saying “you can’t please everybody” probably applies to directing a volleyball club as much or more than any other profession!  As I’ve discussed with my coaching colleagues for 20 years, the ultimate team to coach would have 6 players on it.  Unfortunately, that isn’t possible with all the reasons that kids have for missing practice and even tournaments now a days, Hunger Games premier, orchestra, swim meets, softball games, etc. , You need to have a roster size that allows for the missing players.  As our new club heads to the midway point of the Elite team season and the stretch run of the Regional team season, I’ve been able to do some State-of-the-Club evaluations. 

One thing I’ve learned.  Parent education is critical for them to understand how club works vs middle school or high school, as well as making sure parents understand the different levels of volleyball that can be played. The differences between an “Open” level team, a “Club” level team or even a strictly beginner, Regional level also must be explained.  For example, we just had all 23 teams play in the Bluegrass Pre-Qualifier (hosted by KIVA), a very large tournament in Louisville that supported 3 different competitive divisions per age-group.  With so many teams attending we had to put a few of our teams in the Open level of competition (or not at all) and that level was definitely above their heads.  I made sure the coaches explained to their parents and players that it might be tough going, but would be a great experience to play better more experienced teams, and it would pay off for them when they returned to their correct level of competition. 

The teams performed as I expected, but the parents could not see the forest through the trees and just focused completely on the fact that their team lost.  The lack of focus on their child’s development as a volleyball player or the fact that they were playing against great teams and players simply didn’t matter; they lost and that was all that mattered.  The negativity obviously fed down to their kids and the kids then lost focus on what the experience was teaching them.

Another interesting observation is how parents rate the ability level of their own child.  I’ve always been very realistic about my own children’s ability levels and always made sure they had to “earn” everything in athletics; nothing would be handed to them and often teammates would be better than them and they would often play superior opponents, so they would have to learn to compete all the time.  I have parents of 13 Regional kids playing in their very first club tournament ever, upset about results!  These kids have never even rotated before!  Some stunning stuff, but very educational for me as a first year Club Director, and gives me a much better perspective moving forward. 

We have definitely experienced growing pains and my administrative style may not please everyone, but we are getting to know the kids, setting a strong volleyball culture standard and developing young players and young coaches.  This will be a marathon, not a sprint and we will make sure we listen, learn and continue to do things the right way.  As always, I will coach to the highest, most motivated kid’s level and expect the others to come up to that level.  I will not “dumb it down” and put my efforts into saving situations that aren’t savable.  That said, the overwhelming sentiment of the club has been very positive and my coaches continue to do a great job. 

I continue to listen to complaints and where possible resolve problems the best way possible for all sides.  

This is not a profession for people who can’t handle criticism or be able to confront problems and be blunt when necessary.  I enjoy the challenge, and my problem-solving nature and blunt reality-based personality seems to work OK for most people and problems.  In the end, the fun part is seeing a 13 or 14 year old kid block somebody for the first time or make a great dig and get a huge smile on her face; the excitement of seeing a 12 year walk into a convention center with 100 courts for the first time and get “hooked” or a 15 year old getting her first college letter.  That enthusiasm and LUV of the game is what it’s all about and will always keep me coming back for more!

Coaching the Parents Part II

By Chris Beerman

Last blog I touched on parental involvement in club volleyball and my perspectives on that issue.  Since that article, I’ve had a couple parent meetings regarding some team issues.  The meeting started with a few very passionate comments about the level intensity during practice along with player instruction and how that was manifested in the team’s match performances.  This particular team had been practicing with less than 100% effort and in their most recent tournament, played hard but came up short at the end of each match.  The parents’ main take was that the coach needed to push the players harder, the players were not being taught the game, and they were not improving.  Sitting there at the meeting listening to the parents’ impassioned reasoning, I immediately flashed back to my last blog and chuckled to myself—I’m sure many of the club director veterans who had read my blog (if any actually had ?!), also had a pretty good chuckle.  I had painted a pretty rosy and probably naïve, picture here at Lex United, and maybe I just didn’t have enough experience to be taking the positive opinion I espoused in the last blog.  Click here to read the last blog post "Coaching the Parents."

But then I snapped back into the current, and after listening to all the different takes on the state of the team, I realized that this wasn’t a coach issue; it was a parent-player issue.  I had walked by this team’s practice many times to observe how the players and the coach.  Most of the time I saw a fairly talented, athletic group of 16 year olds going through the paces at about 70% of their capability.  I also wanted to watch and listen to the coach and determine if there was enough teaching, motivation, intensity and respect coming from the instructor.  I heard the coach say really good things, saw some nice drill ideas and segments and heard a lot of instruction and intensity relative to this coach’s personality.  I walked away thinking, these kids have got to figure out why they’re doing this.

Back to the parent meeting, I turned the conversation towards their own children and what they were personally doing to improve themselves, how hard they worked in practice, how much they were committed to volleyball and finally, what their long-term goals were for the sport.  The parents began self-evaluating their own kids and what began to emerge was the parents perhaps caring about the outcomes more than their daughters did.  Parents are always competitive because they have experienced life and know how hard the real world is, how competitive life is, and how hard you have to work to achieve success.  These players were going through the motions, blaming the coach and not taking any accountability for what THEY were GIVING to the process.  In my experience as a coach, if a player cares about getting better, they will.  The players who repeat the same mistakes every day, nod their head but aren’t listening and never seem to grasp concepts are really just there for some other reason and not truly because THEY want to be there. 

After getting off to a heated start, the meeting turned into a very reasoned, thoughtful conversation about player motivation, a coach’s responsibility to motivate and inspire, and parents coming to the realization that perhaps they want it more than their kids.  The sudden reality of this aspect of youth sports is very difficult for parents who have watched their tall, athletic daughters dominate the 4 year old soccer team, the nine year old basketball team, the middle school 200 meter track race, and the 13 and under volleyball tournaments.  As the parents sat there and began to process the fact that their daughters might be more interested in other activities and are growing away from volleyball, I brought them back with some positive reinforcement.  1). If they are struggling, talk to the coach directly about the problem and what the resolution can be. 2). Parents get off their backs.  Don’t hover at practice, scowling at their mistakes or effort; you are causing them to effectively shut down.  Yes, getting to the older age groups, 16’s, 17’s and 18’s brings more pressure, expectation and competition, but that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t still be fun.  Not every girl wants to play in college, so if that’s not the goal, let’s not say that it is.  There is a place for everyone in this great sport, and it’s crucial not to force all of our players to choose the same path because it’s what they are SUPPOSED to want.  Doing so only makes for lethargic, stressed out teams who don’t care. 

There are different ways to motivate, but parents allowing their daughters to play for the reasons that THEY want to play for is critical for the healthy attitude and enthusiasm of a club player.  Every kid is different and by the age of 16, parents have to begin to let their daughter forge her own path.  Guide the player, encourage the player and make sure the player knows whatever she decides to pursue, her effort and how hard she competes will be tied directly to her success.  As a post-script to the meeting, I’ve noticed fewer parents at the practice, more intensity from players, a lot more smiles, and better connection and communication between players and coaches.  Being a parent is not easy and letting your kid grow up isn’t easy either, but I’m proud of this parent group for having the discipline to let their daughters tackle this on their own, and in effect, help them take a positive step towards personal responsibility and accountability.