Coaching the Parents

By Chris Beerman

As a collegiate coach for 20 years, one of my strengths as a recruiter was building relationships and connections with the parents of the high school player I was recruiting.   The relationship began with the recruiting process, which of course is ALWAYS positive. Just as I do now, I had a no-nonsense approach, which differed greatly from the used car salesmen style utilized by many college coaches trying to land the big star.  I believe the best part of my approach was that once a player was enrolled in college and playing for my team, my relationship with that player’s parents didn’t suddenly change.  I was still very honest, cordial and no-nonsense, so the parents and players would always know where they stood and what they needed to do to improve and/or play a more significant role. 

I also didn’t try to hide the fact that I was an intense, demanding coach with very high expectations, so that aspect of practice was also not a shock for the now-enrolled college freshman.  Players who were not into that kind of coach were not interested in my school, and I was fine with that.  I encouraged those players to find a program that better met their needs.  In the end, the kids who chose to play for me loved what it was all about and likewise made coaching enjoyable for me because I was working with my “kind” of kids (and parents).  There were always exceptions, but that was the philosophy I lived by, and for the most part, was successful with. 

The reason for this long-winded introduction is to shed light on my perception of one of the biggest issues regarding club volleyball and youth sports in general: parents.  When contemplating making the move to the club world, many of my colleagues advised against it simply because I would have too much frustration dealing with the parents.  I heard this warning from quite a few friends I really trusted who had been involved in club for many years, and it actually gave me cause for concern, or at least prepared me for what I would be dealing with.  In addition, I have read the drumbeat of articles and blogs regarding the “millennial problem” and “helicopter parents” parenting issues that experts have stated creates entitled kids, questionable work ethics, attention deficits, a lack of leaders, and overly zealous parents micromanaging every aspect of their kids’ lives. 

I believe this generation of kids is different than any other simply because they have grown up in a different world than any other generation.  The world I grew up in as a child in the 70’s and 80’s was not much different than the one my parents grew up in the 50’s and 60’s.  Neither of us had cable TV, internet, cell phones, or “club” sports.  We were all three-sport athletes, the recruiting process started when you were a junior and youth sports was relatively unorganized and done for fun and the love of playing the game.  Things have changed drastically in the last 10 to 15 years and not recognizing that fact already clouds your ability to deal with today’s youth and their parents.  (Click here for an interesting article on the generation of kids today).  In my short duration as a club director I have found that one thing holds true about parents that has remained true since the beginning of time: parents care and are protective of their kids.  How it now manifests itself is what’s different about today. 

I have had a few parent meetings, both as teams and with individuals and in both situations the thing I wanted to emphasize the most to parents was that I was there to listen.  Even the most absurd parent complaint has some truth in there somewhere and it’s important that you, the Club Director, listen to their concern and attempt to resolve the issue.  As a parent myself, I completely understand how parents feel about their children.  Giving a parent an ability to voice their concern, listen to the problem, give your take on the situation and then remedy the problem with a compromise or resolution creates a trusting parent/director relationship that puts fires out quickly and doesn’t allow the flames to be fanned.  In my first meeting with all the parents of the club, I made sure they knew that if they had a problem about anything they should come to me, not their coach.  If it is a playing time issue, they are to instruct their daughter to meet with the coach and have a one on one meeting discussing what they need to do.  If it is something else, I will listen. 

So far I have had very little if any major issues utilizing this method of parent communication and I feel the support for the coaches has been excellent.  Parents want their kids to be pushed, get better, have fun and enjoy the game.  Parents love it when they see their kids smile and get back in the car after a match or practice excited and motivated for the next one.  This is a customer service business and I think sometimes that aspect is lost in the egos of club directors.  Pushing parents away, talking down to them, or ignoring their concerns creates a non-trusting negative vibe that can destroy a club. Club volleyball is also not for everyone and possibly our club’s philosophy is not for everyone, but our parents will always know for sure that our number one focus is their kids and making sure they have the best experience possible.  Parents care about their kids’ well-being and they want their money to be well-spent.  I understand these concepts and believe it’s important that you’re honest, no-nonsense and provide an ear to listen.  There’s always at least an ounce of truth in every complaint, don’t be afraid to listen and constantly evaluate what you are providing for your customer; that’s the only way you grow, improve and provide a club culture that parents can trust.

How To Train Winning and Competitiveness

By Chris Beerman

I am a competitive person; always have been, always will be.  I am one of those guys that while driving will pull slightly ahead of the guy next to me at the stoplight just to be ahead of him!  I’m an awful loser and don’t ever believe you accept mediocrity in anything.  That said, now I run a youth volleyball club with close to 300 members ranging in age from 6-18 years old and my quest is to create a competitive culture that makes Lexington one of the volleyball hotspots in the country.  Our neighbor to the northwest, Louisville has established an incredible record of winning, high-level training and churning out confident, big-time volleyball players.  The best thing about the players from Louisville or even our partner city, Muncie, IN is how competitive they are, how hard they play the game and how well-rounded they are as volleyball players.  How do we replicate that or at least start the development of that mentality in Lexington? 

The answer seems easy: just train the heck out of your players and compete in practice every day.  Although I believe that is the foundation of creating a playing culture as I’ve described, if it was that easy everyone would do it.  Why do places like Muncie or Louisville dominate every year in national events?  Are their athletes superior, are their coaches better, is it their feeder programs?  Are there other factors?  Each of these areas had local volleyball coaches/leaders start with small programs as start-ups and then slowly built the culture through great training and competitive kids.  For the vast majority of successful club programs, the rise to the top was slow and steady and was built with a consistent philosophy, great coaching and big goals.  As a few successful teams emerged within these clubs, legacies were born and then role models and new leaders emerged.  Young children in these communities suddenly had heroes to aspire to.  Players began training at the younger ages and the idea of attending college on a volleyball scholarship and playing the game they love, made for even more motivation. 

Most of the successful club dynasties have a 25-30 year head start on Lexington United, but my competitiveness and impatience for failure, makes me want our club to aspire to greatness now.  I believe setting very high standards and expectation levels is the only way, however that must be tempered somewhat by realism.  Unfortunately setting the bar too high or expecting too much too early only leads to a lack of confidence and questions about procedures.  So expecting greatness and continuing to build confidence is the fine line we’ll be walking with our club. 

The great thing about my own team’s late practice time (8:00-10:00pm) is that I get to observe and interact with all the earlier practices.  On a recent night, I thought many of the teams were not disciplined enough in how they were executing what the coaches were teaching.  The players of one particular team were going through the motions of the drill, but the pace, focus and execution level was not making them better.   I may be slightly different in that when I see a situation like that, my first instinct is to put the onus on the players rather than the coaches.  Even the worst drill can be executed at a high level with pace and focus.  I want the players to have pride in what they do and to take accountability in themselves and avoid the blame game and obviously the coach needs to have great energy and attention to detail as well.  Was this isolated drill function making Lexington’s volleyball culture better at that moment or were we remaining mediocre? 

This is the kind of thought process I want my coaches to be thinking about and the kind of detail that I will continue to hammer home. I want our players to develop pride in how they perform in practice, in themselves and their teammates.  Nothing is more motivating and develops more confidence than playing fast, executing at a high level and personally taking pride in how your team “looks” while practicing.  This translates directly to competition.  The teams that win have pride in the details and extremely high personal and team performance expectations.  We are on our way there and the most exciting part for me is that when I or our coaches raise the intensity level or expect more, the kids rise immediately to the challenge; they WANT to be great! It’s hard right now for them to maintain the level on their own, so that’s why our coaches need to be 24/7 people in practice; the expectations can never stop for a second.  When this aspect of training and pride is player-driven rather than coach-driven, we will have the winning culture established here in Lexington.  The journey there is the fun part and the competitor in me wants and expects the journey to be a quick one!